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e s c a p e
i.
everyone would love to run away. and, for several years this did not seem like such a bad idea. in fact, the romance of "running away" has such allure that it can capture every thought of a young free-spirit. that is, to travel and never look back, to forever look forward and taste the excitement of adventure and progression. but to think this is a misconception. everyone is not trying to run away to this perfect dream. they are not running to anything. they are running from something—from everything. from social dogma, peer expectation, from strip-malls, time warner cable, guilt, confusion, apathetic neighbors, financial pressure, professional anxiety, from a life of purposeless toil and meaningless, misguided ambition—locked inside nine to five. i see it everywhere. and, everywhere people hoping for something to happen in their life. waiting for something to finally happen "for them". but, nobody actually taking action to break-out./
ii.
/as an emerging adult, i began to wonder what could happen outside of this lifestyle. too young to extrapolate, too naive to understand—i laid awake at night. staring at the ceiling, i laid awake to explore my mind. anxious for rest, i tried to fight these thoughts. but ultimately i gave-in. i was bound by insomnia. eventually i learned to ignore my exhaustion. i stood up and walked outside at three a.m...i found the world asleep. there, alone in the dark blue warmth of summer, i realized that i owned the night. so i set out to explore my new domain. i rode under blinking stoplights, i walked downtown through empty streets, i walked out-of-town through moonlit gardens, and sat for hours on an empty beach to gaze at the unmatched perfection of the spot where the ocean meets the sky. that night i found what i had been looking for, i found the machine completely cut-off. cut off from the machine, i was free to build my own world. so i built./
iii.
/i built a philosophy crafted specifically for myself. in it, i found that the machine did not own me. and, that it never had. and now, it could no longer interfere with my life, no matter when. so in part, i could put the night behind me. with a clear mind and a fresh purpose, i soon realized that i owned the day as well. more importantly, i realized that the day i own is now. TODAY is my day. "today is my day everyday." i was nineteen and screaming my new pledge into the bright blue as light fed my eyes with the beauty of my earth and gave clarity to my purpose—to destroy the machine. to destroy social dogma, strip malls, gingerbread neighborhoods, destroy fear, apathy, religious fundamentalism, pressure, anxiety, hatred, doubt, and guilt./
iv.
/i was confident and motivated, but my enemy was strong and experienced. i learned quickly that this would be no simple task. so i strengthened my effort with knowledge. i read about greeks, romans, egyptians, chemistry, physics, astronomy, space, biology, philosophy, economics, the french revolution, british imperialism, the conquest of a new world, math, religion, capitalism, reason, man, art, education, evolution, reason, europe, america, howard roark, dagny taggart, ernest hemingway, victor hugo, leo tchaviosky, ludwig von beethoven, richard wagner, igor stravinsky, jan vermeer, and ayn rand. it took five years. for five long years i prepared for this struggle. but, knowledge has no dexterity—i can only fight with my hands. ideas cannot be communicated in my mind. they are communicated with my mouth. so i open my mouth and move my hands. i learned to compose perfect melodies and i am learning to write perfect poems. i found brothers that share my dream. and we play music........the helios choir.
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